The worst gigs I ever had

While the WWE/Wrestlemania gig was one of the best experiences I had in my freelance days, shooting concerts were a mixed bag of “Holy shit this is the greatest night of my life!” and “What the actual fuck is happening?”

In concert photography, you get three song’s worth of time to shoot. Some bands only allow one. If the lighting sucks, you don’t have the luxury of time to be fumbling with your camera settings. Before you know it, it’s time to be escorted out of the pit and you missed all the shots.

In my experience, there are three key elements that make working a show suck. The first is:

LIGHTING

Some bands deliberately have shitty lighting or really elaborate light shows, so you have to work EXTRA hard to get good pics. For example, the Pixies stage was lit up in red. RED IS THE WORST POSSIBLE COLOR OF STAGE LIGHT. Due to a whole bunch of things that involve light, and camera settings, and color management, red stage light usually means a whole bunch of black and white photos in post.

Other shows that had shitty lighting: Jane’s Addiction(was almost fully dark except for a stark blue light), Cake(see also, quirky af), Umphrey’s McGee(winner winner).

The next obstacle is:

VANITY

Some musicians haven’t aged well and don’t want photographers at their feet with their really nice cameras and sharp lenses. As if my eyes can’t somehow see your smooth as a baby’s ass 70 year old face. In these cases, you shoot from the poorly-named “Front of House”, which is industry lingo for the soundboard. You need a faster zoom lens than the one I have and those are $$$$$. (This gig doesn’t pay unless it’s an actual job). Mean muggers: Crue, Cher, Neil Diamond, Prince, Van Halen and MAYBE Green Day. Never got a clear answer why I didn’t get pit access.

The third pain in the ass show to shoot is the musician that is:

QUIRKY AF

Some are so ugly they have shitty lighting AND stand behind an Areca palm tree(that if you were the lucky recipient, now had to drag home a giant potted plant): CAKE Love the music but they are realllllly boring live.

One had great lighting, but really didn’t want to be photographed: Santana. He did NOT WANT TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED. He would stand real far back near the drums, but not too far. If he was on the right and you moved to the right, he’d walk over to the left and vice versa. This went on for a whole song. By the time the third one started I said fuck it and left. I had the picture I wanted.

THE WORST

It pains me to say since I am a fan of theirs; the worst gig/my least favorite was Umphreys McGee. From a fan’s POV, the light show was pretty spectacular. It reminded me of going to the Planetarium at midnight to watch lasers and listen to Zeppelin for two hours.

However, as a photographer, it sucked ass. It was an explosion of lights and lasers of every color, all dancing and blinking and panning and strobing erratically and it messed with all the photos.

There was also no designated photo pit so the front of the stage was packed by the horde of college beer bros(my god it was such a sausage fest, even Rush had more females in attendance) – every single one of them drunk, or high, or tripping balls – not a single one of them giving a fuck I had work to do.

This clip is from that show. I was already out of that mess by the song.

At 5′ tall, it was very intimidating and it was starting to get hot and very confined so I started to make my way out. The band was in the throes of a cacophonous jam which suddenly became the soundtrack to my escape. I was being groped by one side and rubbed up against(ecstacy, I’m willing to bet), and I was trying to protect my camera. It was not fun in any way. And while I DID have free range of the venue, by the time I got out of that mess, I just wanted to go home. Then, on the way home, I was in a car accident.

So yea, concert photography LOOKS like a lot of fun(and it really really really really is), but it’s a lot of work and you need the skin to put up with all the shit that can happen. You can’t just be in the photo pit with your phone, taking selfies or live streaming to your crew. It’s actual HARD work. You have to be quick, you have to be fast, and you have to be stealthy(ninja-like so you aren’t a distraction=wear black, lay low). Not every show is going to be great and as long as you keep that in mind, you can walk out of the pit after the last song and still enjoy the free concert you got to go to and MAYBE got a useable shot or two.

I miss going to concerts something awful and I miss photographing them even more. I would like to get back to it when the venues open up.

It’s time.

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