Morning.

It’s 9am Wednesday and I have been up a whopping three hours so far. In these 3 hours, I’ve washed and folded a load of laundry, vacuumed, made coffee, my little one woke up and we had breakfast.

So when I sat here at the computer to work on a crochet pattern, coffee in hand, I was expecting to ride out the rest of the morning with some degree of peace. The cat and child had other plans.

Our daughter, who runs shrieking in horror at the sight of a worm or a fly, picked up our 20lb cat, thinking he’d found another piece of plastic to chew on, CARRIED HIM OVER TO ME, and said, “He has something in his mouth.” At first I thought it was the plastic from one of those straws from the back of a CapriSun.

And then time came to a near frozen halt.

I screamed out loud in horror. Instead of running away from me, he started to come into the room. Everything went black for about 30 seconds. He’s SUCH A GOOD OLD CAT. He caught a mouse for mom and wanted to give me a gift. He paused in the living room to look back at me with the most sad eyes ever that said, “But mooooooom, don’t you like my pressseenttt?”

The. Cat. Caught. A. Mouse. I LEAPT out of my chair. L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y. That heart pounding, got my fat ass up so fast, kind of leaping.

NO, NINJA! I DO NOT WANT YOUR GIFTS OF DEATH. I would much rather you puke in all my shoes and shit in the bathtub than drop a half dead(more than likely) mouse in the bedroom. It was bloody, so you could tell he’d had his fun.

I managed to shoo him off to the kitchen where he is currently blocked in. No signs of life anywhere. Think I’ll burn the house down now. (just kidding)